Life. without..

I don’t know if it’s particularly this time of the month when i get really emo, or some things that have been happening that cause me to think and reminisce about stuff. I’ve just recently been thinking alot more about J. Thoughts of happy times and pictures on facebook that we used to have back then just make me really wonder about certain things, where I get really sad. Maybe it’s cause I’m not occupied or I’m on holiday now so I have less things on my mind, but I doubt it, I always tell myself that but it just means otherwise.

I really, really miss him and the times we had together. Even though we’re still talking and all, it’s just really different cause I want something which I know I can never have, and it sucks to know as well, so I’d rather not. I do realise the mistakes I’ve made and all that, but as they say, what’s done has been done and it’ll only make things better if i stop for a while, take some time off and realise how I’ve gone wrong to change all that and start a new, maybe with someone new, or the same.

I feel crap whenever I hear about how couples have their fun and doesn’t help either that when i log on to my facebook I see a whole lot more pictures of varying couples with their varied fun times! and their relationship statuses. Maybe things were really meant to be the way they were, to show me how I just can’t carry on being that sort of a soul mate, or maybe it was all lessons that were meant to be learnt? whatever the case I really don’t know, but it hurts more and more everyday, the more we interact. nothing progresses.

I wish things were like this, as how it was back when we started.